Forgive me, understanding reader, for I know not what I do. In my innocent doomscrolling of Twophet, I encountered something that really got my back up. Aristotle thought the brain cooled the heart but I can confidently report that even my top story was foaming like an angry lava sea. It all started with Highlights magazine, the benign children’s periodical that’s been a staple attention-diverter in dentist offices for decades. I know what you’re thinking: I couldn’t solve the five-letter word jumble despite my proclivity for magniloquence (and no, the answer wasn’t “fries”). Fair guess, but that wasn’t it. Highlights, which, thanks to its assiduous marketing department, mysteriously arrives at my doorstep periodically by dint of my having procreated, apparently featured artwork of a...