An Open Facebook Post to Adolf Müsk

There comes a time in every person’s life when he, or she, or xe, must hold up his, her or, zer’s hand in a defiant “STOP” and declare: No More! As a living, breathing, possibly vegetative human being, I can’t take it!

Of course, for inclusion’s sake, if a would-be resistor is somehow handicapped, disabled, muted, or simply too anxious to express dissent, then accommodations must be made, whether offered by the private sector or mandated by government. Subversive rights are human rights! The United Nations says so, somewhere buried in its charter, between the right to an August-long vacation and copay-less health insurance. Anyone who wishes to march in the street chanting call-and-responses but isn’t physically able should be given a subvention for a wheelchair, a bullhorn, a personal nursemaid, Uber fare to and from the protest, and a lunch voucher for an establishment with vegan options. A right that can’t be comfortably exercised is an injustice!

Though I’m not differently abled, nor am I a member in standing of historically oppressed racial and ethnic classes, I am of a minority, even noble, class. I am a federal government employee. That’s right: I’m no mere drudge toiling for petty profit, but an important part of the grand concrete barricade against the forces of chaos. I’d put it lightly were my duty not so heavy: the country’s continued functioning depends on me. And I’m speaking out today, standing up, rising off my knees, placing firm my two feet, to bring attention to ongoing oppression I and my fellow federal workers are enduring at the hands of a fascist, racist, misogynist, xenophobic regime.

I’ve got one powerful word for President Trump and his little obergruppenführer Elon Musk: ENOUGH! I and my fellow national employees have had enough of your capricious dictates, your jumbled ordinances, your incompetent imperiousness, your grand delusions of despotism. You tiny souls, you malignant professions. How dare you treat anyone this way. How dare you assume you know how to do my job better than me?

I just received in my .Gov inbox a request from the shifty Muskrat a request to bullet out five things I “accomplished” last week. Five accomplishments?! I did far more than just a measly hand count of check-off achievements. Try a million different priorities, not the least of which was ensuring the country didn’t collapse. Does that work for you, Emperor Musk? Does preventing societal annihilation count towards your imperious laundry list?

A simple cash-counter like Peon Musk doesn’t understand how public service works. He’s too busy with his flashy gadgets and fleecing ignorant consumers to know the true function of statecraft. Yes, I understand the United States is in a perilous financial position. Our debt is $36 trillion. But according to a summary of a New York Times article I read on Facebook, we’re paying over $1 trillion a year on interest payments just to service this debt. I know that may sound significant to the average taxpayer out there in a Great Plains state, but here’s what they don’t grasp: one is just a tiny fraction of thirty-six. It’s basic math! Paying $1 for $36 sounds like a great deal to me, and I don’t own a fancy factory like Mr. Must-y. Putting down just one buck to borrow almost forty times as much money? Uncle Sam would be an ignoramus not to fill out that credit application.

That’s exactly what the Fox News-watching bumpkins can’t wrap their peanut brains around. They see a double-digit number and immediately think the bank will foreclose on their tin shack. But our creditors—which are mostly us, and Wall Street bankers in tailor-made suits leveraging bonds—aren’t pounding on the door, ready to put the bee on the Treasury. There’s no foreign subservices trying to cut the greenback at its knees by buying up swaths of our credit claims. Red-state rubes worry that Japan or other Oriental countries hold most of our debt—they’re only scared because they fear anyone without milk-white skin!

It all comes down to ignorance. That’s what one of the philosophers I read in college concluded. I think his name was John Rolls. We were assigned a chapter of one of his books in Poli Sci 301—not an easy class to gain acceptance to! But I impressed my professors by easily repeating their own political dogmas. It helped that we both firmly supported the Democratic candidate for president. But who wouldn’t, really? Racist knuckle-draggers?? Anyway, Rolls in essence declared anyone opposed to social justice harbors latent bigotry. And what’s bigotry besides pure evil?

That’s why I’m convinced Elon Musk and Donald Trump aren’t trying to implement accountability measures. Nor are they just kicking federal employees to the curb. These aren’t layoffs, the ploys aren’t cost-savers, none of these directives are fiscal corks meant to shore up our collective balance sheets. This is a very assault on democracy as we know it.

Now I’ll admit I don’t know very much about what Donald Trump promised on the campaign trail. I tuned mostly into Kamala Harris events, especially the ones when she danced with voters, or even shopped for culinary spices. That was real-life campaigning and so inspirational! Not like the bogeyman-mongering of Trump who has convinced too many smooth brains in the middle of the country that Mexicans are taking their jobs, wooing their wives, and knocking up their daughters.

Last I checked the Huffington Post homepage, I didn’t see anything about Dictator Drumpf promising to slash and burn the federal budget. Nor did I notice Yeehaw Musk—an immigrant from a pro-apartheid family!—promising to hand out pink slips like some greedy corporate raider. So how democratic is it really? To have Russia’s favorite candidate invade our White House and sic some foreign capitalist on the very structure of our nation. Müsk is a termite chewing away at the very joists and cantilevers that keep our country stable. All these money-sniffing pigs are the same: they seriously think their ability to scam the unsuspecting out of their savings—what these greasy vultures call “profit”—can be done without government support. What does rocket boy think? That he can simply sell his bruised, ugly lemons without such crucial agencies like the Office of the Comptroller of the Currency or the Bureau of Ocean Energy Management ensuring we’re all safe and compliant?

Anti-government ideology inevitably leads to tyranny. The trajectory is detailed in every history book ever written. First, the government is dismantled. Then dictatorship is imposed. It’s the oldest causal relationship in politics.

Somebody has to make a stand. With every walking paper Trumpo and Musker hand out, we slide further on the scale towards the Third Reich. It’s not an exaggeration! This is a Nazi-Germany purge. Godwin be damned! We have to sound the bell, hoist the red flag, blow the whistle, raise a ruckus! We aren’t living in 2025—it’s 1939 all over again! It’s a Holocaust on steroids. We Americans don’t get pushed around by Nazis, we do the pushing, and kicking, and, dare I say, even killing, to free ourselves.

That right-wing lunatic Elodiot thinks we’re all just his inching caterpillars, slugging along in circles, not doing anything to support the country. But I’m a beautiful, busy butterfly. I’ve spent the past decade and a half rising in the ranks to the crucial position of undersecretary assistant the deputy communications associate at the Office of Postsecondary Education within the Department of Education. My work schedule is rigorous. I have at least two 30-minute Zoom calls a week to check in with my colleagues. And I venture into the office once a month to make sure my brand-new desktop still works. I mostly work from home on my shiny, 2025 MacBook Pro but that’s only because typing memos in my living room is far more productive than sitting in DC traffic for an hour, which I’d have to do driving from my paid-off house in Loudoun County. Plus, I use that would-be commute time to go to Pilates. Self-care is important!

What meddling Musk refuses to understand is that government career officers—I loathe using the word bureaucrat, it’s way too staid—are the lifeblood of democracy. Trump may have been elected, but that’s only because too many clueless suburbanites in swing-states thought he’d yank down egg prices. Well, how’s that going, you brainless MAGA birds?

Democracy is only as good as those hired, charged, and given generous pensions to uphold it. We are who make America—I WILL NOT say “great”, and mouth that gross Trumpian line since I already brushed my teeth this morning—but settle for the perfectly inoffensive “slightly better than other similar countries despite our black history of rapacious imperialism,” per my most recent DEI training, which the oaf-in-chief also ordered dismantled.

I bet Elon couldn’t nuance his definitions like that—he wouldn’t know grey if one of his eyesore cyber trucks plowed right into his pasty rictus!

Any half-wit who thinks this country can afford to let go of even a few of the proud members of the 2.4 million federal workforce really should try Googling “1930s Germany” to learn where this is all leading. Mark my words: Gas chambers are never far behind emails asking for action-item updates!