Quiz: What Kind of Libertarian Are You?

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Jan 14, 2019

quiz

Quiz: What Kind of Libertarian Are You?

So you think you might be a libertarian, but what sort? There are more flavors of the ideology than if Baskin Robbins and Pizza Hut had a baby. A delicious baby. Take this short quiz to find out where you fall on the spectrum. (Not that spectrum. What are you implying?)

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Define government.

A system for protecting the most vulnerable members of society.

One man alone in a room, and the only thing he gets to decide is who to nuke.

A monopoly on the use of force.

What is your attitude towards taxes?

Taxes are the price we pay for society.

Who’s asking? Are you from the IRS? Am I being detained?

I don’t like paying taxes, but I guess we kind of need them.

What is theft?

Taxation is theft.

Property is theft.

When my roommate borrows my stuff without asking.

Does government surveillance bother you?

Yes, I want my privacy for, well, never mind what for.

My whole life is on Facebook. What do I care?

Not if we use it to catch criminals and terrorists.

Guns?

Guns!

Guns are scary.

Why do you hate children?

Should we legalize all the drugs?

Drugs are bad, mkay?

All the drugs? That sounds kind of… extreme.

If heroin is outlawed, only outlaws will have heroin.

Where do you keep your money?

In a bank.

I’m not telling you!

On the blockchain.

Under my mattress, in gold and silver.

What should be done with the children?

They must go school and learn to be good.

They must work, like I did when I was their age!

Why must anything be done with them? They’re grown adults, for God’s sake.

How about health care?

I don’t know. The doctor is so expensive that I’ve never been.

I have a bonesaw and some whiskey in my trunk. I’m good.

It’s really important to make sure everyone has insurance, because I’m sick, like, all the time.

But who will build the roads?

Illegal immigrants, probably.

Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.

I will, for the right price.

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Logan Albright

Logan Albright is the Head Writer and Sound Engineer at Free the People. He is the author of the books Freedom Over Fear, Libertarian Paganism, Conform or Be Cast Out: The (Literal) Demonization of Nonconformists and Our Servants, Our Masters: How Control Masquerades as Assistance.

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