Andy’s going to beat the rap!
Last March, I carefully, humbly, and not at all arrogantly predicted that New York Governor Andrew Cuomo would see no punishment for his venerous peccadillos. And today, five months onward, I reaffirm my claim: Cuomo is staying put. Cancel culture be damned.
New York Attorney General Letitia James released a 165-page report documenting dozens of instances of the governor sexually harassing aides and other unsuspecting females. At least 11 women claimed to have been on the receiving end of Cuomo’s advances. One victim of the governor’s goatishness was maligned and intimidated when she tried to go public.
The sum of all rackery amounts to an automatic disqualification in the #MeToo rulebook. But rules don’t apply to sex pests with a Caesar complex and the blood of countless seniors on his hands. Cuomo remains unashamed, unapologetic, unregenerate, and unmovable.
He remains Andrew Cuomo, in other words.
His implacability only leaves his fellow Democrats yimpering for something—anything—to be done that doesn’t involve actual effort on their part. The solution: politely requesting he pack it in. President Biden did it. As did Nancy Pelosi. Same (to no surprise) with the Big Apple giant and eternal Cuomo nemesis, Mayor de Blasio. Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer, who, in high political theory, represents New York, made the same pathetic enjoinment. The entire exercise in supplication was pushing on a string. Cuomo will serve out the remainder of his term. He may even run for re-election to one-up his father’s gubernatorial streak.
The only thing that will oust Cuomo from his Albany perch is impeachment—a heavy pill few state Democrats want to swallow.
Sure, the State Assembly is technically investigating Cuomo for handsy impropriety first reported in spring. And Assembly Speaker Carl Heastie insists Cuomo must go. But the probe was perfunctory, and Heastie’s words are a matter of course. The AG just provided a layup for defenestration. No Dem assemblyman is leaping at the follow-through.
New York voters want Cuomo out according to a recent Marist College poll. But those selfsame voters sat by as the governor flippantly offed their elders by locking them in a COVID hell. Any self-respecting poli would have charged the Executive Mansion with bats and crowbars and sawed-off chair legs. Instead, the Biden Justice Department ended its inquiry into whether Cuomo violated the civil rights of nursing-home residents by packing them pari passu with COVID-sick seniors.
But even if the Biden Administration is too busy pursuing equitable crustacean distribution for the endangered melanistic whooping crane or some other SJW nonsense to hold Cuomo to account for negligent homicide, perhaps that big, popular anti-harassment mulier movement will step in. You know, the one that scalped Harvey Weinstein and successfully branded a Supreme Court nominee as a gang-rape ringleader. Where’s #MeToo in all of Cuo-fuffle?
Working for the meatball masher himself.
Roberta Kaplan, a founder of the #MeToo advocacy org Time’s Up, reportedly conspired with the governor’s PR team to smear accuser Lindsey Boylan. Believe all women, indeed. I’ll spare the reader the wincing trip down media memory lane when female journos swooned over Cuomo’s competent handling of the coronavirus like he was Paul at Shea Stadium. At least some former fangirls are snapping back to self-awareness. “The ‘Cuomosexual’ phenomenon was disgraceful,” headed one recent op-ed column in the Washington Post. Ding, ding, darlin’! Treating politicians like sex symbols is always gross, especially as they butcher at-risk pensioners and burn the evidence.
Cuomo is escaping the #MeToo mob and Lady Justice at the same time.
Attorney General James isn’t bringing any charges despite acknowledging that Cuomo broke sundry sexual harassment statues. Laws, after all, are for the little people in America, or those who can’t afford good lawyers. Certainly not for the head of the National Governors Association.
Free and defiant, Cuomo’s path to a tetra-term is clear: pure, rock-like inertia. Charles Gasparino reports that Cuomo will dismiss his Attorney General’s findings as politically biased and start preparing for a progressive primary challenger next year. After fending off the left, he’ll make quick work of any Trumpy nominee in the general. Having his campaign coffers cut off from digital fundraising giant ActBlue is no matter. New York residents will accept a lecherous grandma-killer as their leader; just not a Republican.
So there you have it: Cuomo tells President Brainworms to vaffanculo! and orders an extra large cheese from Gaby’s flown in from Queens and calls it a night. The governorship won’t change come 2023. Cuomo has beaten cancel culture and buried #MeToo—proving both were never anything more than weaponized leftism.
Think differently? I’m a plunger on political matters, much to my wife’s chagrin. But she (hopefully!) won’t read this. So if you think Cuomo is dead in the East River, contact my bookie and we’ll lay odds. Don’t get overconfident about your chances: cynicism is the only useful ethic in politics.